And yet again...

my evil side is coming back to me! Well.. evil? ermm... that's a tad too much. anyways... jealousy! wow! I'm jealous! I really, really want someone! Grr, how come no one's coming for me? Grrr... I hate it. I hate it. I hate it! Grrr.... "gimme someone! Now!" Hehe... if only, I can say it like that... But... tsk.... nevermind...

Again and again and again... people are so mean. Nevermind. Argh.... no... please.... hmph!

All I need is time

I'm going to be the BEST I can be! Why? I had no reason why.. but now, I think I do... I love my family and I love myself AND I'm going to show them just how much I love them.

Let's stop with all those cards, candies, flowers, etc. They may look sweet and all, but they wouldn't show just how much I love my parents and sisters. When the time comes and each of us siblings have to move out of our house... I want us to be a happy family who would want to keep on coming back home.

So how will I do those stuff? Simple. First step: lessen my pride. (HARD! But achievable). Second: Lose weight (another hard thing to do.. but NOt as hard as lessening pride).Third: Get HIGH grades in ALL subjects.. in short be part of the Dean's list. (All I need is hardwork) and Fourth: Love myself more by being genuinely optimistic and being less defensive about stuff.

Find your beauty. Life IS beautiful. My life is worthy of anything and everything. I don't need a man to be happy! I don't need to be in a relationship to be beautiful! Also,I definitely don't need some guy to know I have great qualities. Of course, I'm not turning men down.. but someday, when the time comes, I'll have someone. For now, I'm not alone: thanks to myself, family and friends. =)

So... question: do I need a boyfriend?? Answer: I may want one, but I don't need one. Why do I live? To find my happiness and to share my happiness with people. If one day I'd meet my guy, I'll welcome him, but now... I have solo time, I welcome this time wholeheartedly. Though being in a relationship is great, being single is also nice.. at least for now. =)

Another question: They say to love yourself, but what does "loving oneself" mean? Answer: Loving oneself is just like loving someone else. You would want to do anything to make that person happy and you would wish the best for that person. Just like in loving yourself, you do what you think is best for you, you do what makes you happy and you do it just for the reason you care about yourself.

Hmm... question: Will it matter in a relationship if I love myself truly? Answer: Yes, of course. If you love yourself truly, you show to your partner that you can also love him and care for him as much as you have loved and cared for yourself. He will deeply appreciate it and love and care for you as much as you do to him. =)

Last question: what's stopping me from really loving myself? Answer: NOTHING! I love myself and I'm going to love myself no matter what. Go for it, Mashee!!!

Listen more to your mind, silly, than your heart

http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/conan/
(Anime) Detective Conan: Secret of My Heart (N/A)

9th Ending Song

By Mai Kuraki

==>>>donna kotoba ni kaete kimi ni tsutaerareru darou
==>>>arekara ikutsumo no kisetsu ga
==>>>toorisugita keredo itsumo soba de waratteru
==>>>watashi nimo ienai koto ga mada hitotsu dake aru

if I were to change the words I say to you, do you suppose they would reach you?
since that time, many seasons have passed
but even though I always smiled at your side
there is still one thing I can't say

==>>>Secret of my heart utagattemo nai ne
==>>>itsu datte sukoshi no mirai ga areba
==>>>shinjitsu wa te ni irerareru hazu
==>>>I can't say mou sukoshi dake
==>>>I'm waiting for a chance

Secret of my Heart, I have no doubt
if there will ever be a little bit of tomorrow
the truth ought to be placed in our hands
I can't say, just a little more
I'm waiting for a chance

==>>>konna odayaka na toki motto tsunagatteitai
==>>>subete o miseru no ga kowakute
==>>>sukoshi hanarete aruku kimi no yokogao ga nazeka
==>>>kowaresou de mamoritai motto chikazukitai yo

in this peaceful time, I want to connect a little more
I'm afraid to show you my soul [1]
for a while, I walk apart from you, but why is it that your face [2]
looks about to break?  I want to protect you, I want to be close to you

==>>>Secret of my heart wakattekureru yo ne
==>>>dare datte nigetai toki mo aru kedo
==>>>soredake ja nanimo hajimaranai
==>>>I can't say kitto kanarazu
==>>>I'm calling for a chance

Secret of my Heart, you understand, right?
everyone feels like they want to escape sometimes
but if that's all we do, then nothing can begin
I can't say, but surely, absolutely
I'm calling for a chance

==>>>Can I tell the truth?
==>>>sono kotoba iezu karamawari suru kuchibiru ni
==>>>Feel in my heart kakusenai kore ijou
==>>>'Cause I love you

Can I tell the truth?
these words I cannot speak hover around my lips
Feel in my Heart, I just can't hide any more than this,
'Cause I love you...

==>>>I will be with you
==>>>Wherever you are
==>>>Can you feel my heart?
==>>>Can you feel my heart?

I will be with you
wherever you are
Can you feel my Heart?
Can you feel my Heart?

==>>>Can't you see, you're my dream ushinaitakunai yo
==>>>taisetsu na kimi to sugosu kono jikan
==>>>akirameru kurai nara shinjite
==>>>I just wanna say mou mayowanai

Can't you see you're my Dream? I can't bear to lose
this precious time I have spent with you
when you feel ready to give up, just believe
I just wanna say, I'm not lost anymore

==>>>Can't you see, you're my dream donna tsukurimono mo
==>>>kantan ni kowareteshimau hi ga kuru
==>>>dakedo mata itsumademo kawaranai
==>>>Secret of my heart Our future is forever

Can't you see you're my Dream? [3] there will come a day
when all the lies will easily be broken apart
and yet, things will never change [4]
Secret of my Heart, Our future is forever...


Transliterated by Pimmala Jalurnpakde 

Translated by hikari-sama 
http://www.hikarisama.deviantart.com

Full of... Cr--

--ud! Am I really that hopeless? I mean I am a hopeless romantic, I'll admit that... but am I really hopeless?? Won't I never have a bf just just because of this? Meaning will I never marry? What?? Oh crud! I think I stepped on something. *looks* Oh, it's nothing. Just my dreams and fantasies or ever falling in love and having someone to fall in love with me as well! Dern! Boublahts naman oh..

Fine. I'll admit. I'm not that beautiful.. nor am I that intelligent. I don't even have a good body and even if I do manage to lose weight, my body won't be perfect... not even close to the word. I'm childish. I can be very weird and moody. But who the hey cares?! you guys? Oh boublahts, ang cocorny niyo! If you can't accept me for who I am... well.. I'll say this, I'd rather be a man-hater than hate myself. Tough luck for you. You don't know who I am and personally, I don't want to get to know shallow guys/people. Bahala kayo sa buhay niyo. Manigas kayo. =|

Good thing most aren't like those, right? Hope so.=)

dern fondness

can we forget the past, let's move on at least
my heart you've stolen from the time you came
you've given me a gift it was a sad sigh
good enough to leave me words of farewell

I wanted to see you, my eyes search yours
I wanted to know you, my mouth form phrases
never completed you butchered them all
by looking at me then while I stare,you look away

I never meant to be flooded like this too overcome
by guilt, heaven and hell, all I wanted was just
a little sound of applause but then I realize,
I deserve more than just better than nothing at all

a little too insane? Yeah, you may say that. Bleh! Who cares anyway? I, myself, don't even give a... anything.. =b

Anyways, I dressed up real good today. I was in some sporty-chick get-up. Some might say I look like I'm going out on a date. Yeah, I do have a date... with my mom.=) Yep, you guessed it.. shopping! But.. she bailed out. For good reasons though, headache... err? Is that good? uhhh... A-ny-ways... Tsk.. I gave her some warm water. My dad's taking care of her (my dad was sick the other day, my mom took care of him). They're so sweet! Yes, they have arguments sometimes but I love them and I love their relationship. Anyways, I'm not as selfish as... well.. just not that selfish.. I don't mind not shopping (even though, I love it) if there's health at stake.

So... I have this friend... he's really nice. We're in good terms, but friends. I like him (kinda)... but I'm putting my feelings away. I'm not being a martyr or anything.. I'm just trudging on dangerous ground. He's meant for someone else, not for me and I am definitely am not meant for him... I don't know what his feelings are for me and honestly, I'm scared to know... most likely he does not like me but if he does..well... *speechless* Anyways, I'm writting it down coz I'm saying farewell to these feelings I've invented. I've asked for signs... and I keep getting a "maybe" or "there's no signal. try again." The problem is should I try again and if I do, what if the answer is yes? Boublahts! I just cannot let that happen. It'll ruin everything. Honestly, I just need to meet someone else to help me forget about all these...

Err.. is the guy of my dreams somewhere out there? If you are, why won't you answer? Would you want me to wait for you still? hmm... Fine. I'll wait. But from now on, you won't catch me sitting-by-the-window waiting. My heart will wait for you but I'll be moving on with life. =)

A day to exercise...

So hmmm... I woke up like 10 am. Me and my dad brisked walked in CCP. It was.. hmm.. fun. exhilarating! well.. actually, sometimes it's just nice to sweat. hehe.

Anyways, what was it about this day? Pfft. Yeah I did lose a lot of calories walking and jogging for an hour and a half but... then what? I ate a lot!!! Boublahts! haha How very smart of me. Trying to lose weight but still can't control myself when it comes to eating out. Wow! Very smart, Mashee.

Well.. evening came and mine and my shobe's friend, Nikki (thanks a lot! =D) treated us to dinner. After that... (by the way, we were bloated!! bwahaha. Another nice move... *drooling with sarcasm*) we were supposed to go to Redbox and sing our... well... just sing, but someone suggested we go instead to timezone. Hah! I spent a lot! But it was fun.. playing dance mania and dance rev (and we were like playing wildly. I mean it was fast!!!) Fun! Fun! Fun! I never knew I could dance like that. hahaha Thanks so much Neni for saving me when I was about to fail though! hehehe I bow down to you! =) Anywyas, I really, really, really want to dance again! hehehe

Argh. my mom said I look bigger though. pfft! *grabs a mirror and says to self* "Lose some weight, will ya!"

Grr... anyways, that's about it. Sharing a day filled with fat cells getting smaller and bigger then smaller again. Oh bleh! Whatever.